WHAT'S ON MY MIND...

        It's hard to believe that after so many years of strictly pointing out the negative, I am finally morphing into some sort of an optimist. The past few months of my life have been such wonderful lessons yet consisted of such heartbreaking and frustrating experiences. From these events, I quickly earned my doctorate and became a cardiac surgeon for my own heart. I have learned to heal and prioritize both my needs and desires. Every day I feel myself becoming more of the woman the universe has been itching for me to become. I am grateful for the unfortunate; without tremendous rain showers, my flowers would not be blooming at such an incredibly alarming rate. 

        Being human, or more specifically for my case, being a young woman, is to never accept the good for how truly great it is. Especially when it comes to ourselves, such as compliments, I might blush or grin at a comment regarding my physicality or my skill but I, along with the majority of humanity, will never choose to believe the positive. Why won't we accept the best? Why can't we believe that after all our hard work, we haven't reached that specific standard we all have set for ourselves? Why must we be so insecure?

      To overcome such insecurity, I often think of criticizing a younger version of myself. Saying all the unkind things I convince my present self is true, to the babbling toddler with nothing but hope in her scarily large blue eyes. Torturing this version of myself now is harming my inner child. How could I ever be so cruel to something so innocent?  

     With the changing of seasons comes a new found appreciation for not only my surroundings but who I become when Spring unfolds like a fresh quilt straight out of the laundry. When the sun softly grazes my face as a tender grandmother does when saying goodbye. As each individual flower blossoms one extra bullet is added to my list of reasons to exist. The elongated days and cool nights ease my mind therapeutically. The blessings of Spring only transpire following the inconveniences and 

melancholy of the Winter.

     Life, in its hectic entirety, is made up of challenges and triumphs, and often it takes traversing difficult times in order to appreciate the good ones.

     "May the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary." - Xan Oku. 

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