“The Arrival Fallacy" and how you'll never actually get there
- Abigail
- Jul 21
- 2 min read
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is rewiring my brain- for the better.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is progressively changing my life, and one thing I think everyone should dip their toes into is reading/researching the “The Arrival Fallacy.”
So many of us feel left out of this “ideal” loop everyone around us seems to be cycling within. This feeling can come off as unavoidable when nothing appears to be aligning with the dream-state, once concrete plan we had for our lives. We hold our highest goals so sturdy on a pedestal, that our arms begin to wince, and we focus on that pain instead of the progress. We denounce the steps we take and the smaller milestones we hit because we falsely believe that reaching this specific goal will bring us ever lasting fulfillment.
Spoiler Alert: It won’t.
My therapist has ingrained this analogy in my head, and I think it’s appropriate for me to attempt to do the same.
On a hike, if you are so hyper focused on reaching a mountain’s peak— you’re rushing, huffing and puffing, not holding conversation with those you’re with, not taking a moment to look around but instead staring straight ahead— you’re missing the family of deer and young fawn to your left, the melody of a mama bird, the bed of wildflowers to your right and the cathartic conversation right in front of you. You get to the peak, and check it off your subconscious bucket list– on to the next.
When you obsessively tie your sense of worth or happiness to an endpoint (e.g., getting to the top of that mountain, getting a promotion or into a relationship), you set yourself up for disappointment.
Your progress is the meat on your bones. It makes up the entirety of who you are, and not recognizing it deviates from the character development a true goal is supposed to cultivate. Our brains are made to adjust, and with this narrowed perspective, the thrill of a goal met is fleeting and forces a sense of emptiness to roll in. This then convinces you to check another bullet off that list. Yet, the premise of the “Arrival Fallacy” emphasizes that these checks don’t equal satisfaction but rather loop you into a lack of presence and appreciation. And that’s no way to live.
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